Have you heard Axl Rose has been holed up in his studio for the past 12 years working on a new Guns 'n' Roses record? No kidding. It's called "Chinese Democracy" and the guy is such a "perfectionist" he just can't seem to shit it out. Every year he makes this big announcement that it's almost done, it's on the way. Blah blah blah. I hear the album almost came out in 2001. He even embarked on a world tour supporting it's release with a bunch of new hired guns but the whole thing collapsed after numerous inexplicable Axl no-shows. Investors lost millions.

Just for the books, I'm not a GNR fan. When I was a kid I owned a copy of "Appetite" and that's about as far as it went. But I must confess, I am very curious to witness the spectacle that is and will be Axl's big return. With this guy, anything can happen for Axl is a member of that rarest of clubs: a truly insane, isolated millionaire superstar megalomaniac on par with the likes of Elvis, Howard Hughes and Norma Desmond. As with virtually all mega-celebrities, Axl has an extraordinary will to succeed. Couple that with ego driven rockstar self-loathing (braided extensions, new teeth) and you've got an excellent recipe for HIGH DRAMA!

And so I devilishly wait for the "new" Guns 'n' Roses album! Think about it. Good ol' Axl fires his original band and decides that he alone will fulfill the GNR legacy only to spend twelve years in solitude polishing the holy masterwork that will restore his heavy metal crown and usher him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for all eternity! Does anyone else out there appreciate what a beautiful train wreck this might be?

And incidentally, what on Earth happens to a song when a millionaire fruitcake just keeps piling cheese on the same cracker for 12 friggin years?